Guide to vices and addictions, depending on your zodiac sign

In general, each sign boasts its qualities (energy for Aries, seriousness in Capricorns or beautiful breasts in Cancer women). Now I will talk about some of their weaknesses. More precisely, the dependencies that, most of the times, are the explanation for the failure in life. I have been involved in astrology for more than ten years and I have a profile site. Of course, astrological predictions like this are indicative, so it doesn’t occur to me if you see a Cancer woman with breasts like socks full of wet spaghetti, who doesn’t have xanax in her purse. Especially since, after an age, gravity is more important than the stars. The same goes for vices and addictions. They are predisposed, not destined to be nailed down.



Aries is a fan of violence, steroids and some more violence

As a sign of fire, it is normal for Aries to enjoy putting tobacco in it, making smoke out of his nostrils. But few are happy for whom smoking remains the exclusive habit. Nervous in their own way and more combative than they should be, Aries are in constant competition with those around them and often get into fights or fights. In ancient times, they could enlist in the army, where they could have fun roasting and devastated. For our times, all that remains is contact sports and fights like in a Fight Club.

Among the drugs themselves, it is normal for such battered people to resort to anabolic steroids. Muscles grow, as does the capacity for effort, and in sports I make you an absolute record holder. The bad part is that, after a while, men’s atrophies atrophy and their breasts grow, while women get a bass voice and hair on their chests like that, down to the eggs. That’s it, the muscular body with sacrifices holds!


Taurus eats and has sex, preferably at the same time

First and foremost, Taurus eats. They are the ones whose eyes, when swallowed, shrink with pleasure, as if squeezing from all the holes, the stomach compensates and enlarges.

Sex can only compete with food when the two are combined: if you have a Taurus friend, it’s a good idea to have cream before sex. And don’t skimp – he won’t be upset at all if, in addition to the classic licking places, he’ll have to put his tongue on his navel, shoulders, back or whatever you know inspires you. In fact, if the man is more inexperienced and does not get caught, even after seven or eight games, which are your erogenous zones, do not hurt his male pride by making a scheme or explaining to him as on the map, what and how . Put something tasty on the sensitive areas you would like to feel his tongue and it will stick.


The twins have a disease with two twins: Maria and Ioana

In general, Gemini experiences as much as they can, without ever getting into really serious or dangerous shit. They keep this healthy attitude they have towards life and in the case of drugs. Predictable and also for diversity, she prefers the drug with the name of a Mexican girl, extracted from Indian hemp and that you can legally smoke in many places in the world, from confectioneries in Amsterdam and marijuana clubs in Spain to stadiums in North Korea, in a pause to lick the ass of the beloved leader. If it is in an area where the grass is not found, it also escapes some ethnobotanicals.



Cancers are very happy, especially if they have antidepressants

Even if, by chance, some of them are born men, Cancer natives are, by vocation, weeping people. And, if I read women’s magazines, here is the information I find there: ÔÇťAntidepressants are not for the insane, but for reducing the suffering until they can go away on their own. Antidepressants, having the function of giving you peace, stability, indifference, the total absence of soul pain to ignorance, can become our best friend. “

Very good friend. And if two of these friends come, and you combine them with a glass of wine, the fun is guaranteed. Some Cancers make so good friends with xanax and diazepam that they take them from the first tragedy with which life strikes their sensitive soul (the death of the cat under the wheels of the car, in the eighth grade, or the flight of the girlfriend on the back seat of another car, to high school) until the final tragedy – the only one where, full of formal, you can no longer complain of pity alone.

The lion puts crack and all the things that give you the feeling of power

The lion is strong, brother! The strongest, most beautiful and most creative. And, if the surrounding pygmies end up questioning his qualities, he will always find a drug to confirm them. The most suitable is the crack, which in about five seconds already gives you the feeling that you can make a scandal to God and that he should take good care of his status, if it’s not hot with his teeth in his mouth. Obviously, the rest of the drugs that make you look like God work: cocaine, speed and, why not, an adrenaline shot straight into the aorta, if they feel like Jason Statham in Crank.


Virgo is caught between painkillers and chronic masturbation

As with the Cancers, the usual condition of many Virgins is pain. This time not physically, but physically. Being the kind of man who thinks he will get gangrene if he is bitten by a leg beetle, the Virgo native is hypochondriac and takes a lot of medicine since he was little. It starts with an extraveral, that it is herbal, then an algocalmin, that it is a classic, an ibuprofen, that they give it on TV and that’s how it gets to morphine and ketamine. After all, these are also plants.

Apparently the good Virgin, with accountant glasses and a teacher’s speech, hides a sexual desire as great as Taurus or Scorpio, without being endowed with the sex appeal of these two signs. So long live Hugh Hefner, Lary Flint and the pornhub. You do the right thing with your hand.

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